The Fantabulous Question of WHAT IF
by AllieAmberwhite
Summary: A series of WHAT IF questions, ranging from anything my crazy mind can think of. Malec is my main center ;D
1. Mayrse and the Cellular Device

**THIS. IS. IT!**

**I, Allie Amberwhite, have given in to my friends whining, and have agreed to finally let my writing talents soar. To do so, I have finally decided to unleash a few things I've written about the GORGEOUS pairing of Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane :D**

**So like, I own Alec and Magnus. **

_***Gets manhandled by CC's lawyers***_

**I WILL PREVAIL IN MY QUEST! MARK MY WORDS SCARY PEOPLE IN SUITS!**

**But for now i own nothing but the.. Uh. Plot? (If you can call it that -_-)**

**Sooooo...**

**What if...**

**Mayrse Lightwood found pictures of Magnus on Alec's phone?**

Alec had carelessly forgotten his phone on the arm of the armchair in the Institutes library once again. A call informed three trained Shadowhunters and a Shadowhunter with too much mundane-ness to even exist went out to kill the repulsive Manu demons from Central Park. Of course, Alec was one of the three trained Nephilim.

Mayrse had taken it upon herself to tidy of the Library (which was spotless already, mind you,) and the biggest object out of place other than a pamphlet was Alec's sturdy silver faded grey cellular device. Mayrse looked down at it in wonder, smiling lightly to herself as she picked it up and opened it out of habit (She liked to check Isabelle's phone for any unwanted.. Downworlder messages.)

What she saw was nothing of what he was expecting.

The last time she saw Alec's screensaver, it was the already-programmed-into-the-phone screensaver of the Samsung logo. But now, however, there appeared to be a picture of a very colorful, very glittery, make-up-ified and happy looking warlock.

Mayrse ground her teeth, recognizing it as Magnus Bane... High Warlock of Brooklyn. Frantically she located Alec's photo album.

Her heart could've stopped. Picture after picture of rainbow Magnus, one of Magnus and a cat. One of Alec and the cat. One of Magnus, Alec AND the cat. One of JUST the cat.

There were nearly 80 pictures.

Mayrse felt fury well up within her chest when she came across a photo of a half naked Magnus. A very faint thought about Magnus's sleeve tattoos ran through her mind when she heard the Institutes elevator creaking upwards to the floor.

She clenched the phone in her hand tightly, storming out the library door, and running head-on into Jace.

"Oooh I missed you too May-"

Mayrse glared, and Jace shut up, quickly moving out of her way. She didn't spare a glance at Clary or Isabelle, her glare was focused on her eldest son.

She thrust the phone into his face, and she took note on how Alec seemed to pale even more, before a blush colored his face. "WHAT," she screamed, "IS THIS?"

Isabelle backed up the slightest bit to look at what was on the phone's screen. She let out a wolf-whistle. "ISABELLE!" Alec yelped, if possible blushing more.

"It appears Mother that a very sexy High Warlock is oomphing Alec's phone's awesomeness." She said coolly, smirking at her brother playfully.

Alec didn't know what to do, and to make things worse, Alec's phone began to ring.

**Magnus Bane** was on the caller ID.

**Dude, I think I win :D**

**This isn't my first fanfic, it just appears to be since I deleted stories from the past.**

**It isn't my first TMI either. this is just the first one I feel like publishing :P**

**So review if ye have suggestions or comments, or anythaaaaang.**

**~Allie**


	2. Mayrse and the Cell, PART II

**LO AND BEHOLD REVIEWINGS HAVE CONVINCED ME TO CONTINUE THIS PARTICULAR QUESTION!**

**What if Mayrse Lightwood found pictures of Magnus on Alec's phone?**

**So I decided to do a Part II, to show you what happened when the Warlock phoned.**

**So my fellow Mortal Instruments Whores, ONWARDS!**

Alec wished he could fall down dead when his boyfriends name came up on the display. Well, maybe not dead, but fainting sounded marvelous.

It didn't help that Clary and Jace were singing along to the ringtone, and laughing darkly.

_I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWERA TODAY!_

_(Yip-YAY!)_

_NO I'M NOT WERAING UNDERWEEAR TODAY!_

_(Hur-RAY!)_

_NOTthatyou'dreallycare,_

_IFIwaswearingUNDERWEAR!_

_BUT STILL I FEEL THAT I'VE REALLY GOT TO SAAAAAY!_

_THAT-I'M-NOT-WEARING-UNDER-WEAR-TOOOOO-DAAAAAaaaAaaaaAAAY!_

Oh yes, Alec wished to faint.

Isabelle just had her eyebrows raised, and absently reached for the phone still caught in Mayrse's death grip. However, her plans were thwarted when Mayrse wrenched the phone away.

"I wonder what Magnus Bane has to say about this." She growled. Slim fingers punched the talk button, she held it to her ear... Waiting...

_"DAAARLING! HELLO HELLO!"_

Mayrse cringed. Alec cringed. Everybody cringed. Even in the far distance Magnus's cat cringed. Magnus's was voice was as clear through the phone as if he was talking right next to their ear.

"MAGNUS. BANE!" Mayrse screamed.

Everyone took a few steps away from Mayrse, her voice was like listening to a country singer attempt screamo intending to do opera.

There was a small pause on the line.

_"THIS IS NOT ALEC,"_ Ah, their was the voice of a half-demon half-angel non-faerie. _"Rather, it's Alec's mother! Good afternoon Mayrse!"_ So cheery, as always.

"GOOD AFTERNOON YOU SUNAVABITCH." Everyone gasped. Mayrse never swore.

_"Oi vey Mayrse, take a chill pill. We all know you need one. Or twelve-"_

"BANE, CARE TO ENLIGHTEN ME ON WHY THE HELL THERE ARE SO MANY PICTURES OF YOU AND A HAMSTER ON ALEC'S PHONE?"

And thus, Magnus somehow enchanted everyone's ears within a twelve foot range of the phone. Now, Magnus sounded as if he was screaming within their minds.

_"CHAIRMAN MEOW IS NOT A HAMSTER! HE IS A 73 YEAR OLD KITTEN! IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE STORY ABOUT MY POOR CAT, I FOUND HIM IN THE GRASSY FEILDS OUTSIDE OF NEW YORK. SOMEONES PUSH MOWER KILLED THE REST OF THEIR LITTER, AND CHAIRMAN MEOW WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT. I COULDN'T BEAR LEAVING THAT TINY LITTLE RUNT ALOOON-"_

"WARLOCK BANE ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

_"Well fine. Obviously their are so many pictures because both me and my kitten, and Alec are highly photogenic. I also decided that Alec's phone was just too ancient, so I magicked up a camera for it!"_

Mayrse's face turned a dangerous shade of purple. However, Magnus didn't stop talking.

_"Also, mother of my beloved, you haven't seen anything bad. the most graphic pictures is of me without a shirt on. Alec just wanted to see my smooth tattoos and how they wrap around my glorious biceps. If you want to see something, lets say, pornographic, I suggest going to Alec's picture messages-"_

Before Magnus could say anything else to a now blue with rage Mayrse, he lurched forward and seized the cellular device, and booked it.

"ALEXANDER GET BACK HERE!"

Alec ran faster, he was not one to wish to see Mayrse pull Hidden Shadowhunter, Hidden Mayrse on his hiney.

_"Heeey someone took the phone! ALEC? HELLO!"_

Alec grit his teeth, holding the phone up to his ear as he slammed the door of the Institute open, taking off down the street. "Magnus? Yah, hi. I'm coming over. You are SO fucked!"

_"Meeeow. I'll be waiting. Kisses!"_

Alec snapped his phone shut with a -click-.

When Alec did get to the High Warlock's flat, he broke down the door, and he tracked down Magnus.

Our favorite Warlock got an ass full of jizz, and several holes were formed in the wall. And to make things even better, Alec made him enchant the camera (or else he'd pull out a wicked ribbed dildo from his butt) so they could take pictures of e-ver-y-thaaang.

**Man, lucky Magnus. ;D**

**This is the end of this What if!**

**NEXT ON THE ADGENDA HOWEVER:::**

_**What if Alec was challenged to cook dinner for the Institute?**_

**ALSO! ALSO!**

**I had a VERY hot dream. And I will be at one point posting a fic about Alec and Magnus... Going to Hawaii. ;D Can't you just see Magnus in all his glory fire-dancing in a grass skirt and a shark tooth necklace? Cuz I can.**

**Remember darlings, suggestions for What if's and comments about it are adored ;)**

**~AllieAmberwhite**


	3. Alec and the Warlock Apple

**SO EVERYONE!**

_**What if Alec attempted to cook?**_

**BE WARNED! This chapter is short. _**

**So like, I own like, everything. Hahaha.**

***Raped by lawyers***

**WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE!**

***Manhandled* **

**SONUVABIATH!**

***Slapped***

**O_O**

**Ok. I own nothing but the question.**

**-Moo-This-Is-The-Beginning-!-**

Alec was sick with food poisoning once again, thanks to his darling sister shoving her own version of a chocolate chip cookie down his throat. What made him sick was the alarming amount of cow blood and fish marrow she put in the mixture. And now, he lay on his achingly uncomfortable bed, wishing that he could actually move without horking his guts all over the floor.

Luckily Jace and Clary were suffering just as bad as he was. However, Jace was being sick over at Clary's house, so poor Alec was alone with an enraged sister.

Speaking of enraged sisters, said sister barged into his room. "THIS IS IT ALEC!" She screamed, pointing at him with red nails. Alec couldn't help but think about Magnus's currently red nails. "Izzy... You stole *cough* Magnus's nail color..." He wheezed. "No I didn't!" She said quickly, hiding her hands behind her back. "The point is Alec, I CHALLENGE YOU TO COOK A MEAL WHEN YOU GET BETTER AND SEE HOW MUCH BETTER YOU ARE FROM ME IN THE KITCHEN!"

Alec winced, she was so loooud. "It'll be easy, I'm sure," He mumbled, "Is Magnus on his way yet...?"

"HMPH. Yes." She glared at him. He just stared back. "When he gets here, can you send him up here?" He asked, when-

"Already here darling." Magnus Bane magically appeared behind Isabelle. Isabelle whipped around, and her fist flew out in surprise, however Magnus somehow grabbed it before it could get anywhere close to his glorious face. "And that Isabelle, is not nice." He raised his eyebrows at her.

"And I heard something about Alec cooking? How interesting!" Magnus rubbed his hands together, letting his famous blue sparks sprout forth at he approached Alec. "Awe my poor baby is sick... I shall mend you! _SHAZZAM!"_

And Alec's sickness went vamoose.

"I bet his cooking will be wooonderful." Magnus assured, as he gave a newly recovered Alec a big hug (Alec blushed!)

"Yeah, riiight."

Isabelle stalked off, grumbling under her breath.

**-Three-hours-Later-**

"You can do it Alec! We believe in you!" Jace yelled, mocking Alec like he'd never been mocked before. Alec have him a warning glare, before staring at the apple on the cutting board and the small knife in his hand. "I'm only cutting a frickin' apple Jace. Anyone could cut an apple."

"That's what they all say!" Jace argued, sitting back in his chair, a lazy grin gracing his ignorant features. "We'll see what happens. Now cut that apple sweetie." Magnus encouraged, staring at Alec dreamily. Isabelle did nothing, she only glared.

Magnus and Alec were both eerily reminded of Mayrse.

"Well, here it goes..." Alec brought the apple down to the skin of the apple-

KABOOM!

A fire ball erupted from the apple, knocking Alec off his feet. "ALEC!" Magnus squeaked, waving his hands frantically, magically getting rid of the smoke. "WHAT THE _FUCKING HELL_ WAS THAT!" Alec screamed, also frantically searching in the thick smoke for his lover.

Isabelle started laughing hysterically. "You can't even cut an apple! I can cut an apple! You SUCK at cooking! It's official!" She sounded hysterical.

"Holy. Shit." Jace said, waving a hand in his face to keep the smoke away from his nose.

**-Half-an-Hour-Later-**

"I can't cut an apple without it exploding." Alec said for the umpteenth time that half hour. Magnus sighed, squeezing Alec's shoulders gently. "That may be so, but at least uh... I dunno. At least you didn't bite into it right away, I mean, what if it was a Warlock apple?"

"WARLOCK apple? What the _FUCK_ is a WARLOCK apple?"

"Apples cursed by Warlocks."

"..."

In conclusion, Alec cannot cook to save his life. He might as well end his own, and kill everyone in a 12 foot radius if he tried again.

**-This-Is-The-End-**

**Hidey hooo Alec can't cook! :D**

**NEXT ON THE FANTABULOUS QUESTION OF WHAT IF,**

_**What if Magnus dressed like a geek for a day?**_

**I look forward to it ;D**

**Remember children, reviews are hott and loved.**

**Also, suggestions for what if scenarios. _**

**(Kissy sounds)~AllieAmberwhite**


	4. Miyavi is WHOM NOW?

**WHAT IF...**

_**Magnus dressed up as a geek for a day?**_

**Well, we're about to find out.**

**ALSO! I nearly forgot to mention that I totally own everything.**

***Not manhandled***

**O_O! I OWN EVERYTHAAAANG! :D**

***Nothing***

**:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I RULE!**

*Is shot*

**X_X**

**I own zip.**

**-Scary people in suits shot meh!-**

Magnus faced his daily quandary: Picking out an outfit for the day. _Maybe,_ he thought_, I'll try something new. I mean, it's not like anyone would be surprised. _

And with his encouragement, he flounced deeper into his closet, searching for his nerd glasses...

-Three-hours-Later,-At-the-Institute...-

Magnus threw the door open earnestly, nearly colliding with Isabelle. She gasped, "MAGNUS! What- what happened to you?" She whispered in horror. "I'm fine! Now where's Alec?" Magnus adjusted his shirt. Isabelle pointed towards the elevator, still gaping in shock.

Magnus made his way upstairs, via the elevator. Upon making it to the proper landing, he came face to face with a shocked Jace. "Magnus... WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!" Jace screamed, pointing accusingly at Magnus. "Clothes. Maybe your familiar with them?" Magnus scoffed, pushing past the golden retard.

"ALEC! ALEC! HIDE MAN HIIIDE! MAGNUS IS CRAZY! AND SCARY LOOKING!" Jace screamed into his cell phone, which Magnus hadn't noticed he had out. Magnus innerly grred, _why is everyone so fucking freaked out?_

His question was about to be answered.

For at that moment, Alec came out of his room at the very end of the never-ending hall. "Magnus? Is that you- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!" He shrieked.

"WHY IS EVERYONE SO SCARED OF ME TODAY!" Magnus cried, pouting, with a hint of anger flashing in his eyes.

"Magnus, you're wearing NERD GLASSES BIGGER THAN MAX'S. And.. A button down plaid shirt! And trousers! And shiny black shoes! This is SCARY! No glitter! Slicked back hair! GODDAMNIT MAGNUS YOU'RE A NERD!" Alec started hyperventilating. Magnus blinked. He didn't think the effect of the new clothing style would be so severe.

"Come here!" Alec beckoned him closer, whilst jogging down the hall to him. Magnus sighed, coming closer, and only slightly surprised when Alec pushed him into the room closest.

"Strip!" Alec whispered, frantically unbuttoning Magnus's shirt buttons. Magnus smirked. "Of course..." He helped Alec.

Now standing buck naked in some random bedroom, Alec gave him a deep kiss before dragging him into the hallway. Magnus didn't make a move to resist. He just let Alec push him down the hall to Alec's room. "Ok Alec? Are you really horny or something? Because you just let ME walk down the hall NAKED, with YOU in the vicinity."

Alec blushed a cherry red, it was so cute that Magnus couldn't resist placing a kiss on his forehead. Alec opened his mouth a few times, attempting to form words.

"Magnus... I-I have an idea. The thought of you being all.. Nerdy... is cute, but it would be hot if you added some of your current style? Maybe...?" Alec asked hesitantly. Magnus gave this a thought...

"I don't see why not," He suddenly smirked, "But I'm already naked. Your turn."

After some rough sex, Magnus set to work in Alec's overly plain bathroom.

It only took Magnus an hour to set himself up, and only another three minutes to apply his lipstick (Since Alec couldn't restrain himself from showering Magnus with kisses.)

"And now Alec, we shall show my magnificent self off, and see what YOUR influence does to me." Magnus said when he finally had the will to step out of the room. Alec's face was flushed, but he nodded, holding on to Magnus's hand tightly.

They made their way down to the living room, where Jace, Clary, and Isabelle were sitting closely together, talking in hushed tones. Clary looked over at the couple, raising her eyebrows.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Magnus looks.. well, hott!" Clary had interrupted Isabelle's harsh whispers, talking in a normal tone. Jace looked confused, then irritated. "He changed, that's why." He grumbled.

Change is exactly what Magnus did. He still had his nerd glasses, but they were pushed up into his hair (which was a striking yellowy-blonde, for he is Asian after all and dying it blonde wouldn't get that platinum look or anything, with dark blue chunks in the longer parts of his hair) and had his usually black eyeliner, with light green eye shadow with matching glitter. His lips were a painted a natural pink color. He had a button down shirt, with ripped off sleeves, and little skulls for buttons. His jeans were baggy-ish, with holes and striped patches sewed on. And he had on shiny leather shoes, with silver tinged blue buckles. He wore a necklace that blinked randomly, looking complex and mechanical. He also donned a watch, and an upper arm bracelet with the Apple from Apple, but it was glowing purple.

Isabelle nodded in approval. "That looks so much better..."

"My favorite part is the apple." Jace said. "It's a Warlock apple." Magnus winked at Alec as he said this.

"You know who you remind me of? That Japanese guy, Miyabi."

"The correct term would be MiyaVI. And yes, I know, because I AM Miyavi."

The room blinked.

"The Miyavi everyone sees in Japan, is a clone. But the concerts, music vids, appearances, that's aaall me."

More blinking.

"I think I'm in love. But I shouldn't be." Clary murmured.

"Huh?" Jace whirled around, staring open mouthed at Clary. "What," She sighed, opening her laptop and opening up Youtube. "You will be too Isabelle, and I think Alec will just get horny from seeing it, but THIS is Miyavi."

The Jibun Kakumei music video started playing.

"He-that's... that's YOU?" Jace yelped, staring in shock and awe. "Sooo, you're not Taiwanese. You're JAPANESE. A Korean Japanese." Isabelle concluded, staring at the video. "And Clary, you're right, this is hot."

Alec said nothing he was transfixed upon the video, occasionally looking back and forth between 'Miyavi' and 'Magnus'.

"... That is so sexy... And you can pull off ANYTHING... Nerd. Lolita... Miyavi..."

Miyavi/Magnus smirked. "And you can play the guitar?" Jace asked, as Clary switched to Selfish Love. "And the piano." Magnus added, adjusting his nerd glasses proudly.

**-moo.-**

**When Magnus dresses up like a Nerd, new discoveries are made.**

**BECAUSE MAGNUS ISH MIYAVI BITCHEZ. 3**

**I think Miyavi is hot. Would make the perfect Magnus. So... TEEHEEHEE! :D**

**This is a shitty chapter in terms of humor. And a fail attempt at making Magnus Miyavi, and everyone's reactions. It was just experimental. *shrug***

**Next on What if,**

**I have nooo fucking clue. I'll need to think about it. I have a reviewers idea, but i still need to work it out in my head before I can do anything about it.**

**Reviews are awesome, and I looove it when people suggest what if's. It speeds along the updating process.**

**Ja ne!**

**~Allie Amberwhite.**

**(P.S, Check my profile. I don't care what you say, just do it. I like deviantart. :D)**


	5. The Truth about the Author

_**What if...**_

_**Me, Allie, had a talk with Magnus Bane?**_

**It's not even funny. I wouldn't even be upset if I got zip all for this chapter.**

**Like Jace would say, I'm being an angst ridden teenager, and am about to take it out on the Warlock.**

**-!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!_!-**

Magnus: YOU'RE SAD.

Allie: ... Yes.

MAGNUS: MUFFIN! YOU ARE NOT ALOUD TO BE SAD! YOU HAVE PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD TO PLEASE WITH YOUR LOVELY WRITINGS.

Allie: If you felt the way I do at this moment for my reasons completely, you might see why I'm... Angst ridden. And if you were not holding 800+ years of experience under your belt.

Magnus: Talk to me, almighty authoress.

Allie: I feel like I have no friends. The summer is half way past, and you know what? All I have been doing is work. I haven't talked to anyone on the phone. Not a single day have I been able to see a friend, nor exactly have they invited me. I kind of feel... Pathetic. this is why I write so much. (Trust me fanfiction, I have 298 word documents on my laptop and computer combined.) When I'm not working, I'm sleeping. Or being hygienic. Or fighting with my dad.

Magnus: That... That sucks.

Allie: Mhm. Not to mention, if I DO leave the house for purposes not having to do with work, I'm still with my family. Or I'm in a hospital. Or at the psych chick.

Magnus: Now I haven't had that sort of problem before, Muffin. ):

Allie: *Ignored what Magnus said* And like, my family isn't good to get along with either. For fucks sake my mom kicked me out, my step dad is a drunken maniac, and my dad is a workaholic and sees reading, writing, and anything artistic a waste of time. I have siblings, but their fucking autistic. And while I love them to death, I can't help hating that I started taking full responsibility over them when i was only fucking eleven years old.

Magnus: ... Would you like some pocky?

Allie:... Strawberry?

Magnus: *Nods, hands pocky.* Continue.

Allie: I've noticed a pattern with my friendships. They are all manipulated into thinking I'm a liar, that I'm mean, a bitch, and don't give a shit. It's the same with extended family. They can't help but critique my flaws, and my talents are ignored. I speak three languages, no one seems to care.

Magnus: *Nodding sympathetically*

Allie: I love metal, alternative, jrock, anything with a good beat. Not this rap shit and R&B stuff. I'd like to punch a hole in Akon's throat. Fucking asshole... OH! And not to mention, I've been stood up sooo many fucking times, everyone wonders why my diagnosis is "manic depression" and "social anxiety disorder".

Magnus: I'm a Warlock. I suffer that at times too. ):

Allie: I'm smashed windows at school, vandalized my body with scars. Can't ANYBODY see that I'm SICK? Apparently not till recently, after 5 years of suffering. It wasn't even FAMILY that noticed. It was my disgusting gang-ridden sex-in-the-hallway school.

Magnus: I never went to school...

Allie: I fall in love with my best friend. She returns my feelings. A week later she stomps on my heart and says "I'm to much to handle." SHE COMES BACK TO METHREE FUCKING TIMES BEFORE I FINALLY PUSH HER AWAY, Because I KNOW the pain isn't worth it anymore, no matter how much i love her.

Magnus: If that kind of thing happened between Alec and I... I don't know what I'd do.

Allie: For me, it triggered voices and hallucinations out of my ASS. Sent to a hospital for a week. Then 3 months later I attempt suicide. I survive. In the hospital for a month afterwards. I'm overly fucking lucky I'm not brain-dead right now. I should be dead. Sometimes I still wish I was dead.

Magnus: Death, it the calmest place you can be...

Allie: I know. I've died twice, thanks to heart failure. All in one week. The second time it happened, my nurses didn't believe me moments before it stopped beating, that i couldn't breathe right. I died in a place where all their is as medical instruments is a fucking oxygen mask. Not like they even knew how to operate it...

Magnus: Where were you, exactly...?

Allie: ER, Intensive care, and the Adolescent Ward. I died in the psych.

Magnus: ... )':

Allie: Sometimes, i feel that all I've got is my piano, my video games, movies, books, medication, a cell phone I never have the chance to use, and a sketchbook. And the rare times I find a camera. Oh, can't forget the internet.

Magnus: I can't imagine...

Allie: actually, you can imagine. It just probably won't be very accurate to how it's like for me, personally.

Magnus: How.. How did dying feel?

Allie: *Snorts* Sorry to burst a bubble, but I saw no golden gates, so light at the end of the everlasting tunnel, I was just consciously aware that I was falling asleep. A sleep that I half-hoped I'd never wake up from.

**Before I get carried away, I'm going to stop, and cry my emo corner of knowledge.**

**Sorry. I just didn't know what else to say when my mood is so low. If you read this, wow. **

**I'm sorry...**

**-Allie**


	6. Max and the Encounter

**I got a WONDERFUL suggestion from a reviewer, (you know who you are :D!)**

**THE QUESTION IS:::**

_**What if Max followed Alec (in the middle of the night) to Magnus's apartment?**_

**Because we ALL know, that Max seems to be very observant. Seeing Sebastian on the demon towers and everything. Teeheehee. **

**Sooo. Onwards! :D**

Maximillion Lightwood was exhausted. Moreover, irritated. He just simply couldn't fall asleep.

It wasn't like this night was different from any other. It was dark. Only the street lamps provided light, along with the headlights of various vehicles. _But why tonight?_ He asked himself, huffing in annoyance and staring out the window.

It was dark out. Nobody appeared to be passing the street. As if anybody would be able to peel back the glamor the Institute had anyways.

But WHY TONIGHT?

His day has been exhausting. A day by trudging alongside his parents in Alicante, and then returning home to a blood soaked, sleeping Jace on the porch, a sick Alec with food poisoning, and an angry Isabelle yelling at Alec for hurling all over the floor. So of course Max's parents got mad as well, claiming that they couldn't keep a house together. Alec got the worst of it, seeing as he was 18 and all. Max felt sorry for his brother, who took the lecture without complaint, just a sad, distant look in his eyes... And then he threw up again into a bucket.

Max helped Alec clean out the bucket afterward, ignoring the putrid smell. Alec thanked him, and ruffled his hair... But Max noticed a lack of feeling behind it.

After that, Max helped clean up the Institute, cleaning vomit and calming his sister down. He even tried helping her bake muffins.

He didn't understand why she had to put whole eggs in the mixture.

And then his parents had made him sit in the library, making him read about Shadowhunter history, when he'd much rather read a new manga that Jace had bought him a week previously, and never had the chance to read. He was so... fatigued.

He was thinking about how much sleep would be nice at that moment, when out of the corner of his eyes he saw a shape on the lawn.

Max nearly jumped from shock, pushing his glasses back up his nose and focusing on the figure... Which he recognized to be Alec.

Alec appeared to be talking on his phone.

How strange.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Alec seemed to be on the phone for a very long time. He mouth opening in closing rapidly, and once even appeared to have laughed. But Max had stopped watching from his bedroom window, instead he watched from the crack in the front door, waiting for that moment in whether or not Alec was going to actually leave the protection of the Institute, or he'd fall back, into the building, and giving Max plenty of warning had he would need the escape.

But he didn't, because three minutes after he got to the front door, runners on his feet and a warm jacket draped around his body, that Alec bolted.

Like, literally. He ran, as fast as he could.

And that gave Max no warning at all. A sudden rush of adrenaline got him to run too, and follow his older brother through the dangerous streets of New York.

Alone.

He was only nine!

**-this-is-a-doom-pause-**

Alec hadn't felt this bad ass since he first received his bow. And that, was a long time ago.

But here he was! Full of adrenaline, and booking it to his secret boyfriends not so secret apartment. It would be just him and Magnus that night. Magnus made sure that nobody but the shadowhunter would be able to approach the front door, without feeling the sudden urge to soil themselves, and eat a faerie plum planted in the mailbox.

He had run a full block, he finally slowed to a walk. He smiled, putting a little bounce in his step, unable to contain is excitement. Had Jace or Isabelle, or CLARY been there, he would've been embarrassed out of his mind, and probably wouldn't be able to look them in the eye for a week. But if it was Magnus... He would smile at Alec. Hug Alec. Kiss him. Encourage him to not hide his feelings...

Of course, Alec said he'd try. Half the time, he failed.

But all the same, Magnus appreciated the effort, and tried his best to understand Alec's predicament. And Alec loved him for it...

Loved... He loved Magnus. But EVERY ANGEL-BEDAMNED TIME, he became tongue tied.

With that being said... magnus never said it either. So Alec was a worry wart. What if he finally said it, and MGANUS was the one who couldn't say it back.

Hell, Magnus was apparently 300 years old. He'd loved before. What about Alec was so different?

These stops were put on hold when he realized he had walked face-first into someone's chest.

Magnus's chest.

**-ANOTHER-DOOM-PAUSE!-**

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Magnus's grandfather clock (circa 1856) ticked away in the corner, it's arms slowly, almost painfully moving.

And said High Warlock was standing in front of it, cellphone to his ear, even though his phone call to Alec had ended five minutes ago.

His bedazzled eyes followed the second-counting hand. His unoccupied hand was twitching at his side, eager... Waiting. And this waiting would be the end of him.

He decided to wait on the steps. Or in his door.

His doorway sounded more epic. He could prop an arm against one side, stretch so his hip touched the other, a gloved hand carefully entwined in his loose black and pink hair. He would thwart Alec's want to come inside the partment immediatley, he could make him beg to come inside if he aboslutely wanted too.

Yes. That is what Magnus would do.

On his way to the door, he conjured a floor length mirror, taking in his appearance for approval one more time.

His hair was loose, like Alec liked it, dusted with pink glitter and hair dye. He had a pair of shiny pink tinged goggles, with silver lining. And then, he wore a long sleeved black shirt, with a sprinkle of of silver sparkles, and hot pink, cursive letters reading 'Fantabulous'. He decided to give the leather and skinny jeans a rest this particular night, and switch for a pair of midnight black, baggy sweatpants that didn't bunch at the bottom. His feet were bare, and painted a glorious pink that matched his hair streaks.

Ah yes. Fantabulous.

And so he went to his doorway, getting into his desired pose, just as he saw Alec turning a corner down the street. Alec looked extremly focused, and Magnus had the heart not to interupt his brisk walk with his squabbling... All eyes were on the dangerous little shadowhunter... Until of course, he saw a figure at least 50 feet behind Alec, and half his height for that matter, tailing him. Magnus stood upright, staring hard at the small person. With advanced senses, he was able to recognize him to be Max Lightwood, Alec's little brother. And now he was so focused it barely occured to him when someone ran smack dab into his chest.

Alec.

**-ANOTHER-ONE!-**

Max sprinted after his brother. Then walked. Then he'd notice that Alec's walk would speed up at random, so he'd run again.

He was so tired... He could just lay on the street and curl up, sleep tuill morning.

BUT THIS IS NEW YORK! THAT'D BE DANGEROUS.

So he kept going.

Max tried to look ahead of Alec, to get a good sense of where he was going exactly... And that's when he saw the shadow in a Brooklyn brownstone. Tall, thin... And nothing more than a shadow. And Alec was heading straight for him. Max hid behind a a potted plant a little over 30 feet away, watching with interest at Alec ran straight into what Max clarified was to be a man, and said man didn't even notice. He was vaguely able to make out their sudden conversation.

"Magnus!" Alec breathed out, looking up and down 'Magnus's' body quickly, making to grab his hand. Magnus took hold of it in both of his, motioning him to be quiet. Alec looked confused.

"You were followed." Magnus said, staring right. At. Max.

_HOW DID HE KNOW! CRAP I'M GOING TO GET IN SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH ALEC, AND THEN OH MY GOSH MOM AND DAD AND WHO KNOWS OH NOOOO I'LL BE PUNISHED SO BAD I WON'T BE ABLE TO BECOME A SHADOWHUNTER AND I'LL BE MADE TO LIVE LIFE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND ALEC WILL NUDER ME AND THIS MYSTERY MAN IS..._

_Kissing..._

_Alec._

_!_

Indeed, Alec was kissing Magnus. And Magnus was obviously kissing back. "It's not possible. My sensor didn't pick up anything..." Alec had said, after they had departed. "It wasn't a demon." Magnus said firmly, turning back to stare at Max.

Poor Max was shaking head to toe. And he squeaked when Magnus took hold of Alec's hand again, and made his way down the steps, heading straight for the youngest Lightwood.

Alec remained to look confused, asking multiple time what the hell Magnus was talking about... And then they reached Max's 'hiding place'.

"MAX!"

And Max then thought was a good time to faint.

So, he did.

**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Oh my. . Poor Alec gave Magnus a smootch when he didn't beleive Magnus. And max saw.**

**DUNDUNDUN !**

**I'm pondering. What if I made a part II to this?**

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**

**Anywhoo. If I don't, this is the next question!**

_**What if Magnus, while keeping captive Mayrse and Robert, had babysitted Alec while they were at Shadowhunter court?**_

**TEEHEEHEE :D**

**~-~-~Allie :D**


	7. Max and the Zoo, a la Part II

**A la, Part II.**

**~-`_~_~_#_-`-~_#-2-5-qw34t-Q-23-15**

Max was awakened by the feeling of somethingy furry being stuffed into his nose. Very furry. Very soft too. Very fuuuuzzy. Maxy likey.

ACK!

Max bolted up, just in time to hear the cat that had been affectionately rubbing his face screech and run. Max looked around frantically, calming when he saw his good ol' older brother enter the room, looking only slightly alarmed.

And then, Max was distracted by the furious red of the walls. And the orange carpet. And the bright pink couch he was on. The purple lamps. The zebra striped shag rug. And the tiny little uh... Hamster, running between Alec's legs and into some unknown room.

"You're up." Alec said, at a loss for words. "Where are we...?" Max asked, also unable to find words.

Max thought about how weird it was to see Alec's face turn the exact color of the walls. Alec stuttered a few times, before someone, the sahow dude, walked into the room behind Alec. "My humble abode, _Mon Cherri_!" The Shadow dude, who Max realized was not at ALL a shadow, nor did he look like he did when he first saw him somewhat upclose.

This man was wearing a long sleeved, electric blue, fairly baggy shirt, with electric green sweatpants. His tanned skin seemed to glimmer in the light, and Max vaguely noticed the deep black nail polish on both his hands and feet. His hair was down, kinda long, and seemed to be slightly damp. Around his eyes was basic black rings, and Max noted the slightly exhausted look behind his smile. Alec, if possible, blushed even more. "Max, this is Magnus."

"BANE! THE SEXY, SEXY WARLOCK!"

Alec's jaw dropped, and the sexy, sexy warlock laughed his arse off.

"The very same!" Magnus half yelled, having to hold onto Alec for support from his laughing fit... Alec too looked ready to fall over, and seemed to need Magnus for support just as much...

The pair fell over, and Max felt like he was in a zoo.

**3u87r2894ytfn98y 9f8y89y9Y(*&*((* (*(&*#R*&^Q(*#()*&*(&(***

**I guaranteed no length or idea past this Part II. I honestly can't think of anything else.**

**Sorry peeps. :/ I tried.**

**-247827582735r87878787**&#*^$*&%*&*&*&^%*!~~~~~ Allie**


	8. Magnus and Alec Heart!

**And alas, my neophytes, we arrive at the chapter I've been waiting, and itching, and positively reveling in the excitement of the possibility, of doing THIS. VERY. CHAPTER.**

_**WHAT IF, NEOPHYTES, WHILE MAYRSE AND ROBERT WERE BEING HELD UNDER MAGNUS'S CONTRACT A LA 'PRISON-STYLE', AND WERE BEING TRIED BY THE CLAVE, AND SINCE ALEC WAS A BABY, OR A TODDLER, BUT HE'D A TODDLER IN THIS, MAGNUS BANE BABYSITTED ALEC LIGHTWOOD?**_

**Wow. That was a long question. O-o**

**~&*&~^~~~~%^%^$~%$%~$$~$~$~$~$~$$$$%~%%%%%%################~&**

"Magnus Bane I promise you, you hurt my child and I will-"

Yes, that was all fun, listening to Mayrse threaten me, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, like I was actually some sort of rapist. Honestly, the nerve this woman had. To get her to shut up, I smoothly interupted her.

"Mayrse Lightwood," I said, grinding out the words menacingly, making sure that my hell-ridden eyes caught the light. "If you'd be so kind, shut the hell up. The Clave does not look highly upon Valentine's Circle, and though they don't like us Downworlders very much, I'm the one with the power to hurt you if I really wanted too, for you getting out of hand. My contract allows me that."

Mayrse glared at me, blue eyes digging into mine as she reluctantly handed over her son.

Now I'm like, 700 years old. I've seen a lot of people in my day, but no one could possibly measure up to this beautiful little toddler. He was blessed with a mop of black hair, and eyes similar to his mothers... But waaay more beautiful. I found myself staring at him sometimes. Gosh, I'm such a pedophile. No wonder Mayrse doesn't trust me.

Making sure I had the sleeping boy firmly in my grasp, I dismissed Mayrse and the Shadowhunters that would escort her to the Gard. Mayrse looked ready to kill, but I bet she knew that those Nephilim had the power to bring her down with force if necessary. Though of course, they'd never be able to give her the Zero-star treatment like I can.

Moving on, the little bundle of blue joy is stirring.

Oh! He's yawning... That's so cute... And look! One eye open. Come on Alec, the second one! YOU CAN DO IT! Oh yea. Go Alec. Its your birthday, uh, uh- GASP!

_NO WONDER MAYRSE WAS SO UNBELIEVABLY PMS-ISH!_! It's Alexander's birthday! He turns three today! Hurrah!

"Oh Alexander, I'm sorry I forgot. Any way I can make it to you?" I ask him, hardly expecting a functional reply from the little tyke. The adorable child stared at me, clutching to my shirt with his tiny little fists. And then, he opened his adorable little mouth, and let out one adorable little word in his adorable little voice.

"Sparkles."

Well, that wasn't exactly the word I was looking for. Sparkles? Weird.

"Sparkles?" I repeated back to him, smirking. "SPARKLE!" Alec screamed, effectively punching my face. Fuck, for a baby, that hurt.

"Now Alexander, no hitting. We've been over this." I sighed.

"Sparkle? Please?" Alec asked again, sitting up in my arms, and going face to face with me. _AWE! HE IS SO FUCKING CUTE! I COULD DROWN IN HIS BEAUTIFUL LITTLE EYES AND SMOTHER MYSELF IN HIS ADORABLE LITTLE GURGLES AND WORDS!_

I'm so creepy.

"Shall we go to the store and pick up some sparkle?" I ask, smiling at the beautiful three year old in front of me.

"Poof it!" He chirped, grabbing at my hair. Awe, he didn't pull it. Good boy.

"As you wish, Alec!" And I did poof up sparkle. A cute little container of it.

Gosh, I haven't seen him this excited since I let him watch the Phantom of the Opera. He carefully took it from me, and unscrewed the top. Awe. he's so frickin' cute.

Sadly, I was to preoccupied with my adoration thoughts to realize he was looking at me with an evil glint in his eyes. I only realized it when he dumped it all on my head.

I gasped. "Alexander Lightwood!" I said, trying (FAIL) to sound angry. or at least irritated. Annoyed?

_FAIL! EPIC FAIL!_

"Sorry." Alec whispered, grinning sheepishly, wrapping his chubby little arms around my neck, and resting his forehead against my chin.

Damn it all to hell, I could never stay angry at him! _TOO CUTE!_

"I'll forgive you next time. But anyways, birthday! You're three! What do you want? Other than sparkle."

"I want three cupcakes and three teddy bears, and three records, and three new feetie pajama's, and 3 bottles of lotion, and three hours of cuddly time with Associate Meow, and forever to cuddle with you! Your cuddles are the best. I love you Maggie!"

I could've cried. I love this child so very much. It almost makes me want to have kids.

Uhm.. Actually, no. No one's adorable childishness can compete with Alec's.

"Can we watch Snow White now? And cuddle! And I want a cupcake. PLEAAAAASE?"

How could I ever say no?

And on the way to my sleek new leather couch (stupid Associate Meow, tore up the other one,) we passed the mirror.

Wow. I see a _sexy_ man covered in glitter.

And I see an adorable little boy lightly dusted with my shedding glitter.

I like glitter!

GASP.

Must. Take. PICTURE!

So I did.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Time skip, to 15 1/2 years into the future!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Alec was asleep in my arms. Not as a baby, but as a man. A strong man. A shy, brave, silly little child of the Nephilim. I love him so much.

But not as a child, an adorable child that captured my heart the moment I saw him in his fathers arms. I loved him then, of course. But not exactly like I did now.

I loved him as a man. A man I could cuddle, kiss, and canoodle with. Between the sheets, the counter top, the bathroom, anywhere.

This man was everything to me.

Sure, when he was a baby, I cuddled him. But for the purpose of keeping him entertained, warm, and blissfully happy, not scared to be alone. I cuddle him now for all of those purposes, but now I can do it all with a much deeper meaning.

I kissed him when he was a baby, on the cheek or forehead before he went to sleep. One time, it was even a game. He'd point his miniture fingers all over his face, shouting "HERE!" and then I'd proceed to kiss the spot. He would laugh, and so would I. Now I can kissed him everywhere else. Lips. Neck. Chest. Stomach. Down south... Everywhere.

And the canoodling... Well, I'd wouldn't ever shut up had I even started to tell you the delights of the canoodling we do now.

Alec Lightwood, was an adorable little boy. And a sexy bastard as a man.

But he's still adorable.

**&#%~~~~!~""!"#"""::~::!::!::#:~:::!:$:":!"$:!"#?"!#{!**

**There will be a aprt II to this, I just don't have the time to write it up at the moment :/**

**I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER! :D**

**It was great!**

**Love always,**

_**Allie**_


	9. Magnus and Alec a la part TWO

**AND ALAS MY DARLING NEOPHYTES!**

**A la Part II to Magnus and Alec's little adventures while Alec was a baby. Teeheehee.**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~#$&*&*&&^^$**#(**%^&*()*^%^&%*($#**

I woke up this morning, and Alec was no longer in my arms, leaving me with an oddly empty feeling deep with in my chest.

You know when you wear something for a long time, like a ring on a certain finger or a necklace, then you take it off and you feel totally weird without it? Yeah. That's how I feel when Alec isn't hear.

Oh look at me! Brooding in bed. YELLOW IS A HAPPY COLOR.

Be happy. Why?

Because I hear a shower running. And running water and steam just screams that Alec is at least still in the apartment. Hurrah!

I could swiftly interupt him... Hmm.

Awe, the water stopped.

DAMN YOU, LOVE!

Anywhoo.

Alec entered the room in nothing but a towel and a luscious blush. "You awake now?" He asked, crossing his arms. I stared at him, smirking. "Much more awake. Somebody that happens to be drop dead sexy just walked in through my bedroom door." I said, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Alec's blush darkened, and he came closer to sit on the bed.

"Can I ask you something?"

I raised my eyebrows, mentally preparing for a doomly, heartbreaking question. "Yeees?"

"Who's this?" Alec shoved something in my face, an old photograph that happened to be yellowing at the edges.

Oh snap. Where the hell did he find this?

"I found it in the closet, when I was looking for my extra pair of jeans... And I accidentally knocked over a box and this fluttered out... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pryed but I was curious-"

"It's you."

"... Excuse me...?"

"The baby. That's you."

**!**************&&&&&&&&&&&&$$$$$$$$$$$^^^^^^^^^^^^^^########**

Sweet baby Alexander watched my hands fumble around for my camera, sucking lightly on his thumb. When I located the boring old thing, I held out the camera at a distance that I knew would fit us both in the frame. "Whatcha doin' Maggie?" Alec asked, pointing at the camera. "Taking a picture. this is just to cute a scene to let slip by." I informed him, making sure that the camera was also out of his reach. "Pose for the picture Alec!"

I was surprised that Alec knew what i meant by pose. As much as it would've been hilarious for him to strike the kind of pose worthy of a magazine, he did one that was much, much cuter.

This adorable child delivered a sloppy little kiss to me cheek. I snapped the picture quickly, closing my eyes for added effect.

I felt Alec smile against my cheek, hugging me tightly.

************^$$$$$$$$$^&%#################(((((#*&$^(*^(*^**

Alec's face was red. His blush was so dark, I was momentarily piddled with the worry of the loss of blood flow to everything but his face. "Can you... Tell me about why I was with you...?"

Oi vey. "You might want to sit down then."

And I told him everything. From how his parents were in the Circle, the point where they were captured. How I held them in a contract very similiar to the one I had with the Inqisitor when it came to Alec's parabatai. How since he was a baby, he came with his parents. When his parents went to be sentenced and tried, Alec would stay with me, as he had no other options that were immediate. I told Alec about how he, as a baby, was devious and a tad bit evil, but also the sweetest child I had ever come across, and I was lucky to have had his acceptance. I told him all about his love for Chairman Meow's ancestor, Associate Meow, and how Alec himself had made me discover the love of glitter.

I told him how i never imagined that I'd get to see Alec again, even if his parents were sentenced to operate the Institute in the neighboring neighborhood. I told him all about how upset I was, thinking that I wouldn't.

I told him about how I felt when i saw him at Chairman Meow's birthday party. How entranced I was by his eyes. I knew his eyes so well. I told him how I saw through his image of a confident, nearly adult member of the Clave, how I figured out he was gay and how ashamed he was of it. I relayed to him how heartbroken I was to see him in such pain of keeping his secrets, how I purely needed to be with him again. That's why I gave him my number in the first place.

I've needed Alec since the moment I met him.

**~!#$%^&*()*&^%$#!~**

**Teh aaawe. :3**

**That is all. Lul.**

**~Allllllllllllllie**


	10. Man Gravy :D

**_What if..._**

**_Magnus and Alec got freaky in the dressing room of Hot Topic? ;D_**

**_~!##$%%$#!~_**

"Hot Topic. Seriously Magnus? Do YOU even wear stuff from here?" Alec asked, standing in front of the store, poised to resist the force Magnus could undoubtedly put against him to get him inside. "Yes, I have the odd trinket here and there. But I specifically picked THIS store because with the way you dress, and the black abyss you love, this would be the right place to go. Black. But sexy. Do you understand my fashion-deprived-sexy-ass-mother-fucking-boyfriend-whom-I-love-dearly?" Magnus chirped, pressing his fingers a little harder against the small of Alec's back. Alec reluctantly moved forward and into the gateway to Hot Topic hell.

"Fine. But can I at least choose what I want?"

"Only if you let me pick them out for you to try on, and you decide what to buy."

"Fine."

Magnus smiled warmly, pushing him into the various racks of clothes.

In the end, Magnus had picked out over 14 shirts, 6 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of shoes, and a wack-load of different accessories.

Alec stared at it all in amazement, and with every article his eyes passed over, her realized he actually liked his boyfriends selections.

Magnus ushered him into the dressing room, jumping with the excitement of it all.

When Alec was in there, he marvelled over the clothes. He put together an outfit that consisted of a black t-shirt, form fitted with a two "boys bathroom"stick figures side-by-side with a pair of very baggy black and silver jeans. He stepped out of the dressing room, smiling at how Magnus's jaw dropped.

"I like this one." Alec said, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"It's fucking HOT." Magnus said, gaining quite a few odd looks from people in the store. "It shows your gay pride darling!" At that Magnus jumped up and down and clapped his hands uncontrollably. Alec blushed at the slightly unwanted attention from people in the store, and luckily Magnus stopped.

"Now, get your adorable butt back in there and surprise me again."

Alec could do nothing but obey. Alec looked over his selections very carefully... He wanted to wow his boyfriend to the extreme.

Looking at these clothes, Alec felt a rush of appreciation towards his boyfriend. Of course Magnus wanted him to explore the color spectrum, and he made sure that his selections had color on all of it. However what warmed Alec's heart the most is that none of the selections were outlandish. They were very normal esque, in terms of teenage fashion these days. Alec decided on a black tshirt with a red and blue dragon wounding around the torso, and selected a pair of skin tight pants.

Alec wanted to try them on. He really did... but they just looked so... Small.

And Alec soon found out, that they were indeed several sizes to small.

How did Alec know this?

He got stuck. Duh.

Alec was stuck. Badly. He had one leg in, up to his mid thigh, and that's where it held on. The pants were vice grip, and no matter how much Alec tried he couldn't even get his fingers under the ankle to pull them off. He was almost scared too, I mean, what if he ripped his leg off?

Alec was desperate now, and he was tugging with all his might (which is a lot) and tugged so hard, that his balancing leg lurched forward, successfully knocking himself down and his head colliding with the door.

What Magnus heard was the sharp crack of Alec's skull, and he was immediatly concerned. "Alec?" He squeaked, knocking softly on the door. Inside Alec was cursing as he saw stars in front of his eyes. "Yeah! OW!" He hit his head on the door handle, trying to sit up. "Alec are you ok?" Magnus asked, knocking on the door again. "I fell over!" Alec called, successfully standing up, bracing himself with the wall. "Jesus what did you do?" Magnus asked, behind the door his eyebrows rose.

"... One of the pairs of pants you brought is to small!"

"You got stuck?"

"Yes!"

"Can you get them off?"

"..."

"That's what I thought. I'm coming in-"

"NOOOOOO!"

"Honey, we've been over this, I have seen you naked everyday for the last 6 months. Whether is be on my couch, in the shower, in the middle of the street-"

"YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT-"

"- or in my bed. Now buck up, move away from the door, and let me help you."

"... Fine..." The door slowly creaked open, to reveal Alec bound at the knees by a pair of vengeful skinnies. The sight was almost funny, if it weren't for the moisture stating over-frustration brimming in Alec's sweet blue eyes.

And we all know, Alec crying in Magnus's vicinity is a no-no children. A NO-NO.

"Oh Alec... I'm so sorry..." Magnus covered his mouth with his hand, innerly beating himself up for having provided the source of Alec's tears. "It's fine! Really! Just get them off of me!" Alec shrieked, collapsing on the wide bench.

Magnus felt the lightbulb go off above his head.

"Magnus, a lightbulb just appeared above you head."

"Did it? Well. That's because I know how to make it up to you!"

"Make it up to me...?"

"Yes!"

"You can it up to me by getting these pants off."

"Oh yes, yes I can, but I'm gonna spice it up. Taking pants off isn't fun without a pleasurable reason."

"What the hell- OOH."

"Oh yeah."

"That...? Here!"

"Right here. Right now."

Magnus dropped to his knees in front of Alec, looking into the now only slightly hazy eyes of his beloved. "I really am sorry." His hands were skillfully bring the petite pants off of Alec's legs. "I believe you..." Alec breathed out, hypnotized by the greenish cat's eyes staring back at him. "If there's any way else I can make up for this..."

"I'll let you blow me here, but fucking waits to the bedroom."

"Or the kitchen table..."

"Or the shower..."

"Or the middle of the street..."

"MAGNUS."

"Shut up sweetie."

Without warning, in one swift movement Magnus had wrenched down Alec's boxers and had engulfed his length to the hilt. Alec moaned loudly, muffled by covering his mouth and biting the insides of his cheeks. At the same moment he began biting, Magnus sucked so hard his cheeks went hallow, dragging sharp teeth of his length as he retreated.

Alec shifted his hips forward, pushing back into Magnus's mouth eagerly. "Magnus... Oh dear Angel..."

Magnus hummed in delight, having twistedly loving every time 'Magnus' and 'Angel' were in the same sentence.

Alec thrust forward again, overwhelming him within Magnus's mouth. He was barely aware of Magnus's magical hands massaging his inner thighs, his hands getting dangerously higher and higher. By the time he was aware, was when he was shotting off into Magnus's mouth, and he was aware of those caramel hands when they squeezed the living shit- er, jizz- our of his nutsack.

Alec's breath was strained, and his fingers laced in his lover's hair to pull him up for a kiss, however they couldn't even touch lips before an angry knocking came from the door.

"ALRIGHT PLAY TIME' OVAH! HE BETTAH NOT'VE SPUNKED HIS MAN GRAVY ON MAH FLOOR, HOE!"

Alec looked at Magnus, absoluetly terrified.

Magnus laughed.

Rofl.

**~!$#%#$% **

**OH THANK FUCKING GOD HAS IT BEEN SERIOUSLY LIKE, TWO MONTHS SINCE I UPDATED! YAH. WELL. IT TOOK TWO MONTHS TO WRITE THIS _**

**Anywhoo.**

**YAY! :D**

**NEXT UP,,,,**

**I'm not sure yet, I have to go look at the suggestions given. ._.**

**BUT I WILL PREVAIL! SO HELP ME GOSHMOSH!**

**OH HEEEY did anywone notice the man gravy? Yah. That is a tribute to DesandNate.**

**Cuz they pwn my h00kerz n00b. Pr0n. Thazz raight.**

**LOTSA LOOOOVE~**

**!~Allie**

**PS. The men in black suits called from Hawaii. They said I must claim non-ownership or I'll be sued and fed to the wilderbeasts.**


	11. Dumb ass Reviewers and Wise Notations

**_And now, a review from a stupid dipshit:_**

_Excuse me. I have a suggestion. You need to get your thoughts together miss. Because you see these characters that you're playing with, they're all well and good but they are by NO means Magnus Bane or Alexander Lightwood. If you read the books you would understand that in all of these stories their actions,choice of words, and thoughts. I understand they are "what ifs" but that is not an excuse to do this to the characters many enjoy and know as their true selves. Not what these stories make them to be. You have some ideas here. Great. Do something with them. Collect them. Take a creative writers course. Read the books again. Whatever you need to do. If you want to abandon this? Awesome. You don't? Fine. Just make them realistic. Because if you don't? If you try to make this piece(s) a representation that's just insulting._

Oh sweetheart, I updated this story over a year ago, over a span of like, a year. Sorry if it isn't to your liking, but you're gonna have to suck it up, aren't you?

I've said this before, Alec and Magnus, we barely have anything on them. They are secondary characters with little to know real input on their personalities and how they would deal with shit. Also, may I add, this is a FANFICTION. It does not have to live up to scale. If you think it does, you should probably turn around and never venture in the TMI fandom ever again, because you're in for a major dose of disappointment. Also, I do not appreciate being told that it would be nice for me to abandon a story. Hun, if you paid any attention at all, you'd realize that I have no more motive or desire to do any more with What Ifs.

That's why it was updated in October of last year.

Suck it, bitch.

I hope others can take a note from this. It doesn't matter what your reviewers say in a bout of negativity. As long as you enjoyed writing it, nobody else touch you.

Keep writing Malec Menagerie!

-Allie


	12. Stupid Dipshit Mutherfucker Returns!

Dear Stupid Dipshit Cocksucker that I'm obviously referring too:

OH I'M SORRY, DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS? LOL. I'm sorry. You're hilarious. And stupid. And really really bitchy. So, SUCK IT BITCH. SUCK IT LONG AND HARD. You pedophile, how dare you suck a four year olds cock. Sicko.

"AllieAmberwhite, A new review/comment has been submitted to your story. Story: The Fantabulous Question of WHAT IF Chapter: 11. Dumb ass Reviewers and Wise Notations From: Booklover3453 () - Dear Allie, I happen to be that "Stupid dipshit" you were referring to. Now I have to note that your wide span of vocabulary is just astounding "suck it bitch" wow you REALLY showed me. I gave you a suggestion and due to what you put out there, a kind one. Do you want honesty? Great. Here it is. TAKE THIS INSULTING PIECE OF VOMIT OFF OF THE INTERNET. We very well know about Alec and Magnus. We know Magnus is intelligent not like you make him out to be. He is an 800 year old male not a prissy 14 year old that can't add 2+2. I don't know where you got THAT inspiration from but I ask you remove it immediately . Because I'm sure there's another fan out there just like me gagging over the fact that you slapped the Mortal Instruments name on whatever you wrote. It's terrible. Except it. It was updated over a year ago. Wonderful. So if you got better (and I certainly hope you did) remove it so it isn't connected with you because there are MANY that will never read anything you write again because you once appon a time wrote this. This is not a personal attack. I'm just telling you the truth. It's hard to hear. So don't take it out on me because you posted a piece of writing that was horrific both in it's content and scope. Also don't group the rest of the Fan fiction authors with you. I have read some fantastic fragments on this site. So I will continue as I am. I hope you remove it and do not post another very public hate message because you have the maturity of a 4 year old. It wasn't personal. YOU made it personal. Don't call me hun, Don't call me bitch, and don't you dare insult the books. You have a choice, You can be an author or you can be a childlike virago and air your dirty laundry where the world can see. And to be frank HUN I don't think anyone really cares."

Nobody cares. LOL. I've heard that one before. Well here's a list of people who care:

Not me. I don't care what you have to say. You are one out of thousands of people on here and I could give less of a shit if you don't like my stories. Read something else. Have you ever read MaybeThere'sHope's stories? The person with the most reviews for a single story in TMI? Yeah, she's my girlfriend. She thinks my writing is ok, and that's all I need. Go color or something. bitch. hun. sweetheart. suck it. How about you write something? Hmmm? Stiop going anon and actually do something to prove me wrong or some shit. Don't be a pussy about it. So, now, with my vocab: Suck. My. Dick. You. Fucking. Stupid. Cunt. Much love to you my dear, good luck (not that you need it) on being a stupid dipshit retard mutherfucker. Good day to you.

Also. A TIDBIT!:

* * *

Alec fucked Magnus is the ass really hard, all day long. It was rough, sexy, and messy.

It was awesome.

* * *

The end.


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